One Week with My Son

My son, Milo, has been here a whole week and frankly he’s already growing too fast for my liking. I don’t think there’s been a day that has gone by where we haven’t cried over this tiny little magical boy. I watch him watching the world and I just can’t get over the amount of processing he is doing. How does he feel? What does he think? Is he happy? I sure am happy. I have completely changed how I feel about time. See my earlier comment about him growing too fast. I don’t care about “What am I going to do next?” so much as “What does he need next?” Turns out newborns need a lot of rest. They also need plenty of food and diaper changes and good ol’ fashion love. It’s hard to think about what my next audition will be or what memoir chapter I’ll write next, when in between diaper changes, Milo decides to shart all over my forearm and all I can do is laugh uncontrollably. It’s a be in the moment process and that’s something I’ve needed for a long time.

One of my favorite activities has been singing him made up songs. I think I sang one the other day using the instructions to a fire extinguisher as lyrics. You get creative when you’re sleepy. Lying with him and just syncing our breath has brought on a level of peace that is unmatched.

I’ve also had some bittersweet feelings as well. I knew that having a son would undoubtedly dig up memories and thoughts of my father. If you’ve been here on my Substack you already know this. But one thing I didn’t expect, was that this feeling of having my son has been so powerful, so beautiful, so undeniably life altering that there’s no way my father felt this for me. Because if he did, a lot of life would have been different.

That’s okay though. Because I get to be a dad now. It’s time for me to stop worrying about what he didn’t do and it’s time for me to start doing what he couldn’t. Be who he wasn’t.

My father left me a road map filled with caution signs and now I get to take the alternate routes. So thank you, Dad, for giving me that. I’m writing this all between naps and the little man is starting to stir… so I think that’s my cue.

I hope you are all well and I look forward to getting back to my memoir and my Substack… but not right now. Right now, I’ll be just enjoying this moment and letting it inspire me for the future.❤️